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Normal
Why do I hide from your phobia
Just to live in your
"Utopia"?
You make me live my life
Every second in strife.
Why can't you comprehend
It is I who has been
condemned?
I can't lift my chin with pride
From all the pain I feel inside.
But no, you keep on breeding
All
that fear that keeps bleeding.
I feel the hate you are spilling
Yet you continue killing.
You make me ponder
if I should end it all
Instead of watching my sanity fall.
I come to realize I am being naive
Because that's what
you want me to believe.
Instead I sit here waiting to break my mortal coil
Waiting for my new home beneath the soil.
***
Dedicated to my Friend, Lou.
I had to go to the lavatory. I picked Lou to go with me. In third grade
we had to pick a partner to accompany you to the crapper. I guess they were afraid you would fall in. I was taking a leak
and i knew he was watching me. I moved farther away so he could get a better look.
I knew i was attracted
to guys as long as i can remember. Me and Lou became friends in third grade and for some reason i knew i could play with him.
He was an all-American boy. Athletic, popular, and good looking. It's no wonder why i liked him. I could tell that he liked
me too. Maybe that was just my imagination.
We often played a game called "dare" we made up.
It was like truth or dare, without the truth part. You can only imagine what kind of "dares" we started doing! It
was fun while it lasted.
When we got to seventh grade, Lou didn't want to be seen around me anymore and started
to call me a fag. I never told him i was gay, i just assumed we both were. Nobody took his name calling seriously and he never
told anybody what we did. You know, in middle school a fag is a common name to call somebody. But when he said it, and there
was truth behind it, it felt like a knife going through my heart.
In eighth grade he started to leave me alone
because i was starting to become kind of popular. He even started to talk to me a little in the hallways. But then in June
of that year, it happened.
I remember that morning as if it happened yesterday. My mom recieved the phone
call. She was hysterical. She just hung the phone up, grabbed me and started to cry. "OH GREG... L... L... LOU COMMITTED
SUICIDE LAST NIGHT." I grew numb.
When i walked into school that day people were like "Greg,
whats wrong?" I walked by everyone in a daze. Soon they would know and be in tears too. His girlfriend was being comforted
the best her friends knew how. Nobody was there to comfort me.
Sure, the school had loads of guidance counselors
shipped in from all over. But what was i supposed to say to them? "Oh, me and Lou screwed around"?
I don't know if he did it because he was unsure about his sexuality or maybe because of his abusive parents, or both. All
i know is that i didn't have a chance to say good-bye.
At first we were best friends, then we were worst enemies,
and then there were no feelings at all. I didn't know how or what to feel for a long time. All i knew how to do was cry...
alone.
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Transparent Windows
The
match has been lit
The boy awaits its release.
It falls as if it were spit
No one sees.
The house is burning
No intentions to cease.
Fate keeps turning
No one sees.
The flames are obvious
High above trees.
The
smoke rancorous.
Yet no one sees.
The doors are locked
Where are the keys?
Windows are blocked
No
one sees.
The boy is trapped
High hopes are a tease.
His sanity has snapped
No one sees.
No longer
praying for rain
He awaits his death.
To do away with the pain
He takes his last breath.
No one ever sees.
***
How do I say Good-bye?
It seems like only yesterday that i made a new friend,
Now you have left and it's all come to an end.
It still isn't the same without you here each day,
You went
off to start anew and i was left here to stay.
I feel as though on the inside i have died,
Someone, please tell
me, how do i say good-bye?
***
Naked Insanity
Here ladies and gents, darkness falls and curtains don't rise.
I
no longer allow myself anymore lies.
For this is not just another act on stage
These are my true emotions, surrounded with
rage.
It is here I can now be myself
No longer putting my feelings on the shelf.
This is where I rip them
all out,
And hurl them all thoughout.
Walls begin to deteriorate
As if this wasn't their fate?
My porcelain
masks
Become lined with cracks.
They are now no longer of any use
To this simple recluse.
They bear the ugly
truth
As jagged as a panther's tooth.
I am only one man
All alone with not one fan.
Welcome to my personal misery.
Yes,
my very own infirmary.
If only I could reach out
Would someone hear me shout?
Maybe then I wouldn't have to
turn
To this hell in which I burn.
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